Hiri
by xiamei
Summary: Logic. It was something Satoshi had been raised to build his life around. Logic. Scientific Method. Observations, Hypotheses, Logical Conclusions. So... he didn't understand why. Warning! Satoshi angst, shounenai.


_:flashback:_

'_thoughts'_

Warnings: (one-sided?)shounen-ai.

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Yukiru Sugisaki, Asuka Comics, and the various animation companies who aired the anime. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

A/N: Gunning Angel's gonna kill me for this… she _hates_ angst…

Following my trend of exact numbers, this fic consists of 740 words. Enjoy.

Hiri: Unreasonable; Illogical.

Hiwatari Satoshi has always been observant. Even before he became the commander-in-chief, even before he became a Hiwatari. All Hikari were observant. After all, creating art puts much emphasis in detail. And all Hikari were first and foremost geniuses of art, among many things. Vigilance, perception… they were traits drilled into him since birth. And so, he usually knew everything before anyone else did.

It came without saying that by the time Niwa Daisuke finally started falling for one Harada Riku, he knew. Possibly before even Dark or Daisuke, did.

Now, the last Hikari was also not one to ignore, or to deny things. He accepted facts as they came, as long as they had other legitimate truths backing up their validity; and if some of these were not to his liking, he found ways to twist these realities to suit him. Satoshi was the heir of both Hikari and Hiwatari. He was _raised_ to be cold, calm, _logical_, and collected.

So when the revelation came of Daisuke and Riku's very possible future relationship, Satoshi could do nothing but relent. It didn't matter that he knew he loved Daisuke… that he loved Daisuke since the first month he had known him. It was no use, anyway.

Invariably, Satoshi could not understand what he was doing on the roof, waiting patiently for someone he knew would not come. Daisuke was with Riku, and had been eating lunch with her for nearly a month, now.

_:"Daisuke-kun? May I have a moment?":_

_:"Eh? Aah… Hai! Satoshi-kun, go on ahead… I'll catch up to you as soon as possible. I promise I won't forget.":_

He waited, that day. Just sat, doing nothing, waiting for the tell-tale presence of his vibrant friend.

_:On a whim, the commander-in-chief leaned over the railings to find the former phantom thief eating lunch with the older Harada twin.:_

_:'He… forgot.':_

Daisuke never came. That day, or any day after. And today was probably no different. Satoshi could not even dare to fathom why he was thinking impossible things. Thoughts such as 'I'm sure he won't forget this time', and 'He promised'. He did not understand at all.

Daisuke didn't care for him half as much as for Harada Riku, after all.

Sighing, Satoshi slowly took out his usual lunch of convenience store bread, which, he hated to recall, he had not been forced to eat since Daisuke had taken to eating lunch with him. Until recently, in any case.

The pale teenager forcibly squashed off all illogical thoughts swimming in his mind, such as Daisuke coming, and how 'the bread tasted blander than he remembered'.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Satoshi felt horribly cold. The sterile white sheets he had managed to gather around himself didn't make a difference regarding the frost that was seemingly eating away at him. Satoshi ruefully registered that nothing seemed to be making sense that day. It was the middle of summer. He should not have been feeling cold in any way whatsoever.

_:"If you're alive, then you can meet that person… that person that will be glad that you're alive.":_

Satoshi was used to being alone, but this was the first time he had ever truly felt lonely. Because he could no longer distract himself with either Dark or Daisuke, and even Krad was no longer there to torment him and divert his attentions.

_:"You… you can't want yourself to die!":_

Desperate to get warmer, he switched on the two stove-tops and willed the heat onto himself. Satoshi sighed, plopped down to the ground, and leaned on the counter.

_:Every lunch hour, after the black wings were sealed, and back when Daisuke never failed to meet him, Satoshi would ask a question. Different wordings, different tones, but always the same:_

_:"Ne, Daisuke-kun, are you glad that I'm here with you?":_

_:Daisuke would smile and answer with an affirmative. Whether with a nod, an "Un.", or the vehement "Of course!":_

_:Satoshi had received that answer approximately 15 out of 15 times, 15 days of school, but had not been able to ask that question and in turn receive that answer in almost 30 days.:_

The air around Satoshi smelled suspicious now, but he simply could not bring himself to care.

'_Nee, Daisuke-kun… What if the person you want to be glad you're alive… slowly forgets you exist? …Can I… want to die then?'_

Satoshi sighed and stared unblinkingly at the small blue flames dancing on the stove, breath shallow.

satoshi's breath is shallow because there's something wrong with the gas regulator… (heh. Satoshi probably uses an electric stove, but… XP I need it for the story. And, as for the apartment probably having electric heating… well… Satoshi's too… depressed to move. I don't know with you guys, but when I'm down, I get really lethargic and overall slothy…)

after the 15 days (2 school weeks + 3 days), Riku asked for Daisuke to eat lunch with her, and started forgetting to meet Satoshi.

…so? to continue or not to continue? After all, this can stand as a one-shot…

Please Review:)


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